I’m going to go on a rather personal thought spiral, which may not be too interesting for you to read. Just fair warning. If I feel like I’ve said too much, I might delete this.

I think, as I get older, and more committed to my work life, I don’t have a lot of patience and time to be social. Every once in awhile I break this habit, but it’s rare. Mostly because by the end of the work day, I just want to go home. When the weekend comes, I just want to stay home. Going out just isn’t a thing that I do on a regular basis. Not to mention that I’m trying hard to save money right now, and that’s not always possible when I’m out late at night.

I feel increasingly disconnected, and I don’t know if it’s my fault.

Watching videos and Flickr streams of my friends lives confuses me. Sometimes I feel joy for them. Sometimes I feel pain that I’m not in there. I don’t understand why I feel this way. Shouldn’t my friends happiness be my priority? Talk about first world problems.

It’s going to be weirder now that I don’t plan on attending SXSW next year. I feel disconnected from the people who are going. I don’t think I fit into the Web 2.0 crowd anymore. I feel too jaded.

Sitting here, deep in thought, I wonder if the disconnect is normal. As life moves along in its many ups and downs, as the tide ebbs and flows, surely these things happen. Was I ever connected in the first place? Does my shielded appearance and halted mannerisms deter me from being included? Or was I always included but never felt it? Do friendships flicker in the light of the Internet? Or do they puff out because I was too busy blogging about things rather than living them?

None of that made any sense, of course. But it did to me.

PS. I’m not talking about you.