I’m wading through muddy waters right now. Many things remain unknown in my social circle, my future looks bright but with a tinge of haze, and I’m feeling decidedly unproductive on a personal level. My life has been taken over by whirls of spontaneity and good times, but not enough of discipline. Two years ago, I had little of the former, but plenty of the latter. I lost 30 pounds as a result. Now, as a happier person, I have gained back 10 (and possibly more). I don’t doubt the pros outweigh the cons (no pun intended), but I do feel slightly reckless and it is giving me the heebie jeebies. I have thrown caution to the wind and given personal indulgence a free pass. (I have rejoined the gym two weeks ago, however. Cross fingers I’ll go at least 3 times a week).
This is not to mention the curious mix of highs and lows my new-ish social circle has afforded me. I won’t delve too much into the armchair psychology of it all, but suffice to say that I have experienced strange new delights that have somehow tangled with a pinch of drama. None of it affects me, yet all of it does, at the same time (Although with recent episodes, it seems it only really affects me at sleepless 3 a.m. moments). There is a danger, I think, in getting too attached to people. And I’ve been shamelessly flirting with that danger. (There’s also a tangent I could go off on the fragility of my ego, but that’s for another day).
Sometimes I wish things were easier; that I could go back to wading in clear blue waters again. But there’s something oddly satisfying about feeling that wet soil in between my toes, not being able to see my feet save for the occasional glimpse of my Candy Pink toenails.
Just as long as I remember to clean them once in awhile.
