Lessons learnt from CES
CES is way way way too big. Tom Cruise wears platform shoes and walks funny as a result. Geeks like porn. The size of a television screen is inversely proportionate to how much you can afford or need one. Vegas is a giant ashtray with blinking lights. Always wear comfortable shoes in giant convention centers. Nostalgia for years past is only healthy if you don’t live in it. Bigger is not always better. Smaller is not always better. Desert nights are cold. Press conferences and hardcore hip hop don’t always mix. It doesn’t matter how many names you drop or how much money you make, if you’re a CEO of a company and you disguise your pathetic-ass DRM as “freedom of choice”, you’re an utter and complete tool. No matter how much appetizers you eat at a buffet, you’ll still be hungry for real food. When ordering food in a hotel room at midnight, make sure to not order too much food, because you’ll have leftovers, and you have no way of heating them up in the morning. Foo Fighters ROCK. Cell phone signals deteriorate in the presence of a million other cell phones. Geeks can be arrogant jerks. Geeks can also be the nicest people ever. No matter how pretty you are, you’ll still look ridiculous dressed in a tight t-shirt, a mini-dress, and huge furry boots that look like a hundred rabbits were killed to make them. If you don’t gamble and you’re not into strip clubs, Vegas is boring. Quality is better than quantity. CES is not really for geeks — it’s for capitalistic entrepeneurs who know enough about tech in order to sell it to the gullible masses. And so help me, I’m part of that gullible mass. Also, celebrities do not make for a fantastic keynote presentation — good salesmanship, stage presence, and great products do.
There are probably more, but I’ll leave those for next year.
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