Neurotic Neologisms Nicole Lee’s random sputterings

Social circle struggles #243

I’m getting the weirdest brain thunks in the middle of the night, I swear.

Anyway, I was at the Web 1.0 Summit Wednesday night, as well as the Colors of Web 2.0 party last night, and at both events, there have been people that I wanted to really talk to, but couldn’t get the nerve to do so. They might not be really big shots or anything, but in my world at least, I see them as being kinda like mini-celebrities. And so I was afraid to go talk to them. See, I get very flustered and nervous and start to blather around people I admire. Plus I didn’t want to seem too weird and stalker-y.

I’ve felt this way before, when I was at SXSW, when I worked at TechTV, etc. There were so many of these people that I just did not have the nerve to even say Hello to. What would I say? What would I talk about? What if I get shunned? And then out of the blue, I would decide to just get over it and go talk to one of them. And, surprise surprise, they’re actually quite accessible, and not quite as scary as I thought them to be. Some of them have become friends, while others have just become that occasional acquaintance I see at parties and such. No longer are they the mini-celebrities that I once thought they were. They were now actually Real People.

But sometimes it’s not so easy. Sometimes you say Hello, and that’s all you say. That may be all you’ll ever say. And sometimes, just sometimes, it’ll totally bum you out. Or worse, sometimes you’ll talk and talk and talk, and IN YOUR HEAD, decide that you’ve found a friend, so the next thing you do is ask him/her out for coffee or whatever, and suddenly he/she’s all “oh, I’m busy.” Oh sure maybe they really are busy. But it’ll still bum you out. And by “you” I mean “me.”

It’s probably clear by now to a lot of you that I’m a psycho with some weird socialization issues. It’s really not that way. I guess I’m kind of an introvert at heart, which is why I overthink a lot of this socialization stuff that probably comes naturally to most people. Socializing does NOT come naturally to people like me; I generally have to work at it, and try to get out of my shell. I’ve been getting better over the years, but there are still hurdles, as you can plainly see.

Man, I’ve been typing a lot more LJ-esque entries lately. I should try sleeping instead of blogging.

It’s funny you should say that, because I felt that way about meeting you.

oddly, i know some have felt that way talkign to me and yet, i absolutely relate to what you’re saying. perhaps it has nothing to do with the miniceleb thing and it’s just plain old shyness that we all have varying degrees of.

i often think of “waking life” where the woman talks about people being like ants, passing by each other, perhaps even every day, and not talking to each other. there are people i know are mutual friends with my friends and who i see event after event and i know their name and they probably know mine but we never ever formally talk/get introduced.

i’ve made it a point to try and be a better connector and introduct people because that’s what i want others to do for me.

Alicia: Huh. Well don’t! Just come up to me and say “Hi! You don’t know me, but I read your blog!” and before I can run away, lavish praises on me. I’m a sucker for that kinda thing.

Kevin: Regarding not talking to mutual friends etc = SO TOTALLY RELATING TO THAT. It even gets a tad awkward, like when you’re walking down the street, and you smile at them, and they like pretend not to see you, or something weird. I don’t think it’s that we’re mean/rude or anything, it’s just that there’s this weird social discomfort zone.

Yeah, I’m definitely trying to get better at this whole thing too. Introducing people to each other, trying to make small talk transition to something deeper, etc. It’s a work in progress.