For better or worse
We met with our pastor today, to discuss our relationship and the taking of vows. Her name is Terry and her church is called That New Church, a member of the Metropolitan Community of Churches. As you could probably guess from perusing the church’s website, Terry is gay, and her church is quite a progressive one. This is probably the perfect arrangement for us, since we have pretty progressive beliefs too (though not quite as religious).
During our discussion, she wanted to know a little more about our relationship. There were the standard questions; like how we met, why we wanted to get married, how we dealt with our differences, and so forth. Then there were the “deeper” questions; what does it mean for us to be faithful, and what were the biggest challenges we’ve had to face. She provided a safe space for us to be honest, and we ended up having a pretty revealing discussion. This doesn’t mean that we haven’t discussed this by ourselves before — we most certainly have talked about our issues with each other — but it’s a whole other story to talk about these things to a complete stranger. I mean, that’s really putting our relationship out there. It felt pretty good to know we were secure enough to let that happen, and to be able to talk so openly about things with someone else in the room.
Probably the greatest thing I’ve drawn from the whole discussion is that I’m even more grateful for the honesty, trust, and level of understanding we have in our relationship. We’ve just reached that level where I’m not afraid to say what I feel because I know that no matter what I say, it’ll be received with acceptance. That amount of freedom is truly amazing; especially for someone like me who grew up learning to be emotionally repressed. It’s like a breath of fresh air.
We also talked about the nitty gritty parts of the ceremony, like the exchange of vows. We decided that we were going to write up our own version of vows (with a humorous tone), and then the pastor will pipe in with the more “serious” portion (Here’s a hint as to our version of the vows: it’ll be very “us.” Draw your own conclusions). She also talked about the ring exchange, the wedding “march” and so forth. As for the music, there’ll be some amount of live music, especially for the processional, but most of the music for the day will be from a set playlist (The playlist is also very “us.” Heck, almost everything about the entire wedding will be very “us.” We’re unique that way).
All in all, it was a good thing meeting her. Not only did we get the details of the wedding straightened out, but we also gained new insight into our relationship, giving us even more reason to see this thing through.
just wondering, since you are geeks in love…
share passwords or no share passwords?
I’m not one to be critial of other peoples business, but in this case I think you should rethink about being married by a gay “pastor”. I’m sure she it very nice and friendly. The thruth of the matter is that this is something that you’re almost certainly going to look back 20-30 years and regret.
I hope that other areas of your plans are going well
and that it goes off without a hitch.
.02
I’m with Think About It. But that’s mainly because I’m Catholic
I should probably clarify that we’re both agnostics and secular, and the ceremony would be quite non-religious in general (because we want it that way). We’re also very tolerant of people’s choices and lifestyles that may be different from ours. So while it may not be cool for you, it’s definitely cool for us. Also, it’s our wedding, and I don’t think it’s cool for people who don’t know us to be critical of our choices.
I would also like to add that we will most definitely not regret having Terry at our wedding. In fact, it is one of the things about our ceremony that I’m the most proud of.
PS. We’re not having the ceremony at a church, we’re having it at Brandon’s family home.
“I should probably clarify that we’re both agnostics and secular”
maybe they’re not good enough for Terry!
Ok. Why bother being married in a Christian Church?
You can get your marriage cert from the courthouse, have a reception and still received your gifts.
We are not getting married in a Christian Church. Rev. Terri is a contact of my mother. She agreed to officiate our wedding, which is taking place in the rose garden at my parent’s house. Terri does not mind that we are agnostic, and she made sure the cermony will be how we want it.